collarme.com is a site that is a free BDSM personals site that has been around for a few years now.
I have given this site many chances since its creation, and each time I have ended up doing the same thing: deleting my profile and leaving with disgust and disappointment.
The ONLY plus that the site has? It's free. That's it. The only positive.
The site is chock full of trolls for one. You know the kind - only looking for either kinky sex or what they think are "easy girls" because they are sub or slave. The kind that really are not into the BDSM lifestyle, just on there because they cannot find elsewhere. Each time I joined... plenty of messages from guys who want to "get into it" right away - without so much as buying you a coffee first in a public place.
It is also chock full of fakes. Lots of profiles there that are just plain fake. They never intend to meet, they just play their little games over the site.
Lots of timewasters too. Lots of messaging... and nada to show.
Tons of professional Dommes as well! Nothing against, I have done (and still do occasionally) and I know quite a few and they are great peeps. Just that it is supposed to be a BDSM *personals* site, not "Pro Domme Central". If you go through locally for female (or trans) dominants, and hide all the pro profiles... you have very few left!
The forums are not well run. And boring as snot lol.
The search function has not changed since inception, and is utterly inadequate unless you are in the USA. Hello???? There *are* other countries, yanno! So if you are in Montreal and looking... you have to search through results that include everywhere in Canada.
You'd be better off elsewhere. Like try a munch or an event.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Arrogance and Ignorance
It astounds me as to some of the arrogance and ignorance within the "trans community". This is part of why we cannot get our collective act together and get the rights we deserve.
For instance, the way some look upon those of us who work in the adult industry in any way shape or form.
I have recently been told (not for the first time) that I "give us a bad name" sort of thing, that I help perpetuate the belief all within the trans "community" are "whores". Oh? Really? So a woman, genetic woman, who does it has then made all women "whores"? Are ALL women regarded as whores because some women do porn etc? NO!!! So do NOT give me that crap. That is one dimensional thinking.
If you want to point fingers... point at those who frequent the sites like TVChix, Urnotalone, Birchplace, LVTG, etc etc etc. And even those who post photographs on Flickr etc. If anyone is perpetuating this "we are whores" shit, it is them. Go onto Flickr, for instance. How many have pics of them doing sexual acts? A LOT, perhaps about half or more. Go to the "TG personals" sites... how many are posting stuff like "make me your whore, I will do ANYONE at ANYTIME I am a slut!"??? A damn good number!!!
So the problem lies not with the minority of us who do adult work, but OUR OWN BLOODY COMMUNITY!!!! Those of us who do adult work are a SERIOUS MINORITY. Those who do what I said? A LOT MORE. So before throwing bricks, take a look at the rest.
Oh, and I do NOT make "a lot of money". You know how much I am LUCKY to make? At most $300 a month. That is it. Often it is a hell of a lot less. Usually $50-$150 is among the averages. So *I* do not make a lot of money, so before accusing me of making a lot... bloody well ASK ME how much I make on it.
Nor do I prefer doing it. I would much rather work in something that I am qualified to do. But guess what? There are FACTORS that dictate I cannot or would not even be considered let alone hired.
First being that I am a disabled veteran. I have a serious back injury. Not torn muscles either. It's an injury that affects my NERVES. I am in pain ALL day and EVERYDAY. At best I can manage 3 hours of any kind of work. Usually much less. How can I survive on the amounts that it would pay me? YOU TELL ME if you are so high n mighty!
Second being that I am, gee, TRANSSEXUAL! Wow! Do you know how many of us even get hired? Not as many as the high n mighty believe. The fact remains that a good number of us are NOT employed. Many are on social assistance. Some resort to escorting/prostitution. Some, few, resort to adult industry work. Those that find a job? Many are in call centers, since they will not have to be SEEN by the public. Some work menial jobs that are demeaning (more demeaning in some cases than escorting etc!). The LUCKY FEW who have high paying jobs really ARE lucky. Many of those are union jobs, so they have PROTECTION. Even fewer are self employed in a business that actually makes enough to live on.
So yeah, duh, I would LIKE to work, fuknutz. And I *am* working on OTHER avenues of income to help. But it isn't going to be a lot.
The fact remains that few employers will hire a transsexual. That is something we need work on, but we cannot do it if people have a holier than thou attitude towards those who have little choice but to do "demeaning things".
Stop fighting over terms, labels, etc. Stop putting down those who do what they have to in order to eat and stay off living on the street (I have been there, living on the street homeless is no fun as a transsexual). Stop even the fight over whether anything trans should be in the DSM IV. Just worry about getting our rights ffs!
For instance, the way some look upon those of us who work in the adult industry in any way shape or form.
I have recently been told (not for the first time) that I "give us a bad name" sort of thing, that I help perpetuate the belief all within the trans "community" are "whores". Oh? Really? So a woman, genetic woman, who does it has then made all women "whores"? Are ALL women regarded as whores because some women do porn etc? NO!!! So do NOT give me that crap. That is one dimensional thinking.
If you want to point fingers... point at those who frequent the sites like TVChix, Urnotalone, Birchplace, LVTG, etc etc etc. And even those who post photographs on Flickr etc. If anyone is perpetuating this "we are whores" shit, it is them. Go onto Flickr, for instance. How many have pics of them doing sexual acts? A LOT, perhaps about half or more. Go to the "TG personals" sites... how many are posting stuff like "make me your whore, I will do ANYONE at ANYTIME I am a slut!"??? A damn good number!!!
So the problem lies not with the minority of us who do adult work, but OUR OWN BLOODY COMMUNITY!!!! Those of us who do adult work are a SERIOUS MINORITY. Those who do what I said? A LOT MORE. So before throwing bricks, take a look at the rest.
Oh, and I do NOT make "a lot of money". You know how much I am LUCKY to make? At most $300 a month. That is it. Often it is a hell of a lot less. Usually $50-$150 is among the averages. So *I* do not make a lot of money, so before accusing me of making a lot... bloody well ASK ME how much I make on it.
Nor do I prefer doing it. I would much rather work in something that I am qualified to do. But guess what? There are FACTORS that dictate I cannot or would not even be considered let alone hired.
First being that I am a disabled veteran. I have a serious back injury. Not torn muscles either. It's an injury that affects my NERVES. I am in pain ALL day and EVERYDAY. At best I can manage 3 hours of any kind of work. Usually much less. How can I survive on the amounts that it would pay me? YOU TELL ME if you are so high n mighty!
Second being that I am, gee, TRANSSEXUAL! Wow! Do you know how many of us even get hired? Not as many as the high n mighty believe. The fact remains that a good number of us are NOT employed. Many are on social assistance. Some resort to escorting/prostitution. Some, few, resort to adult industry work. Those that find a job? Many are in call centers, since they will not have to be SEEN by the public. Some work menial jobs that are demeaning (more demeaning in some cases than escorting etc!). The LUCKY FEW who have high paying jobs really ARE lucky. Many of those are union jobs, so they have PROTECTION. Even fewer are self employed in a business that actually makes enough to live on.
So yeah, duh, I would LIKE to work, fuknutz. And I *am* working on OTHER avenues of income to help. But it isn't going to be a lot.
The fact remains that few employers will hire a transsexual. That is something we need work on, but we cannot do it if people have a holier than thou attitude towards those who have little choice but to do "demeaning things".
Stop fighting over terms, labels, etc. Stop putting down those who do what they have to in order to eat and stay off living on the street (I have been there, living on the street homeless is no fun as a transsexual). Stop even the fight over whether anything trans should be in the DSM IV. Just worry about getting our rights ffs!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
On Afghanistan
Many Canadians wonder why we are there. They want no more action there. Well, let me clue you in a bit peeps.
First, we are there because we went in with the "war on terror". Of course that was the catalyst to going there. But it goes beyond that.
You see, we are there not just to fight the Taliban, but also to help rebuild, train, aid, and help improve a country that is only in it's state because of two factors: first being the previous war with the former Soviet Union, and second being the Taliban. And it was the war and the actions of the USA at the time that helped create the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Add in maybe the inactions of the rest of the western world too.
"Yeah, but Vanessa.... we're losing troops! 150 plus killed since!!" - Yeah... out of how many thousands who have served there? Look at previous wars and their KIA and casualty rates. This is MUCH more acceptable.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT VANESSA!!!!" - because I bloody well served for 13 years! I've not only signed the dotted line, and not only been in a combat zone, but been in combat, okay? I have SEEN FIRSTHAND the horrors of war. I have seen what it does to people. It is horrible. I have been shot, blown the hell up, and killed people. It is HORRIBLE. It haunts me to this day, in my dreams at night. But you know what? I actually WANT to be there in Afghanistan on the front line to HELP.
Sometimes we have to take a STAND. We took a stand with Hitler, didn't we? We said "hey! The Germans and Hitler can't do this!" and when we "learned" of the Nazi attrocities... we took a stand and prosecuted those we could, and hell STILL DO TO THIS DAY. Why should we not do the same for the people of Afghanistan? Because they are Muslim and not Jewish or Christian??? No they have not endured the same attrocities of the holocaust, but they have endured their own. We MUST make a stand! We took a semi-stand when Iraq invaded Kuwait, why not NOW?
Sadly the media reports on the BAD that happens, and very little of the GOOD. I have corresponded with a few who have been there, and there is a LOT of GOOD being done that is NOT reported. Women have more rights for one, schools are being built, education is going up, their economy is much better than before, and bit by bit we are making it a BETTER country with BETTER people.
We need to be there, and not just in the new role when it comes into effect of being trainers. Our Canadian Forces personnel are among the BEST. Ask any forces, we are RESPECTED because we are GOOD. We get the job done, no matter what we have. Our soldiers, airmen and sailors are some of if not the best in the world. They sign that dotted line and take the risk, like I did and many before me. No, we do not want to kill, no we do not like war. But when we are asked, we go and we do our jobs.
So many say "oh we should only be peacekeeping". That is bullshit. An armed force is not primarily for peacekeeping for one. It is for defence first and offence second. Peacekeeping is after that somewhere. And peacekeeping as we knew it died a horrible death with both the former Yugoslavia and Rwanda. Take a look at Sudan. It does NOT work in every instance, and in this day and age warfare has CHANGED and most cannot see that. In the former Yugo there was NO peace to keep, and McKenzie had a helluva job to do and he showed once again that Canada could get it done despite lack of personnel, gear, and direction from others. Rwanda... that was a total clusterfuck on the UN's part. Poor Dallaire had nothing to work with, and people died that should not have. Peacekeeping as we knew it is DEAD or dying. Give it a rest.
So, think about it. If you were for taking a stand against Hitler, then you are a hypocrite if you do not take a stand against the Taliban.
First, we are there because we went in with the "war on terror". Of course that was the catalyst to going there. But it goes beyond that.
You see, we are there not just to fight the Taliban, but also to help rebuild, train, aid, and help improve a country that is only in it's state because of two factors: first being the previous war with the former Soviet Union, and second being the Taliban. And it was the war and the actions of the USA at the time that helped create the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Add in maybe the inactions of the rest of the western world too.
"Yeah, but Vanessa.... we're losing troops! 150 plus killed since!!" - Yeah... out of how many thousands who have served there? Look at previous wars and their KIA and casualty rates. This is MUCH more acceptable.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT VANESSA!!!!" - because I bloody well served for 13 years! I've not only signed the dotted line, and not only been in a combat zone, but been in combat, okay? I have SEEN FIRSTHAND the horrors of war. I have seen what it does to people. It is horrible. I have been shot, blown the hell up, and killed people. It is HORRIBLE. It haunts me to this day, in my dreams at night. But you know what? I actually WANT to be there in Afghanistan on the front line to HELP.
Sometimes we have to take a STAND. We took a stand with Hitler, didn't we? We said "hey! The Germans and Hitler can't do this!" and when we "learned" of the Nazi attrocities... we took a stand and prosecuted those we could, and hell STILL DO TO THIS DAY. Why should we not do the same for the people of Afghanistan? Because they are Muslim and not Jewish or Christian??? No they have not endured the same attrocities of the holocaust, but they have endured their own. We MUST make a stand! We took a semi-stand when Iraq invaded Kuwait, why not NOW?
Sadly the media reports on the BAD that happens, and very little of the GOOD. I have corresponded with a few who have been there, and there is a LOT of GOOD being done that is NOT reported. Women have more rights for one, schools are being built, education is going up, their economy is much better than before, and bit by bit we are making it a BETTER country with BETTER people.
We need to be there, and not just in the new role when it comes into effect of being trainers. Our Canadian Forces personnel are among the BEST. Ask any forces, we are RESPECTED because we are GOOD. We get the job done, no matter what we have. Our soldiers, airmen and sailors are some of if not the best in the world. They sign that dotted line and take the risk, like I did and many before me. No, we do not want to kill, no we do not like war. But when we are asked, we go and we do our jobs.
So many say "oh we should only be peacekeeping". That is bullshit. An armed force is not primarily for peacekeeping for one. It is for defence first and offence second. Peacekeeping is after that somewhere. And peacekeeping as we knew it died a horrible death with both the former Yugoslavia and Rwanda. Take a look at Sudan. It does NOT work in every instance, and in this day and age warfare has CHANGED and most cannot see that. In the former Yugo there was NO peace to keep, and McKenzie had a helluva job to do and he showed once again that Canada could get it done despite lack of personnel, gear, and direction from others. Rwanda... that was a total clusterfuck on the UN's part. Poor Dallaire had nothing to work with, and people died that should not have. Peacekeeping as we knew it is DEAD or dying. Give it a rest.
So, think about it. If you were for taking a stand against Hitler, then you are a hypocrite if you do not take a stand against the Taliban.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Guilt By Association
I've really had to wonder the past week and a bit. See, on FetLife a friend (who I would like to think should be a friend) removed me from her friends there. One friend had "broken up" shall we say with her and another friend. So... a few days later because I'm his friend I guess she removes me. Yet I have done nothing to her, said nothing bad about her, and in fact have done nothing but sing her praises!
A person should never use the "guilt by association" thing, especially among friends. I mean there is one crossdresser here in Montreal that for some reason just does not like me. We have mutual friends, I don't go ignoring them or removing them because of it. It's called being a grown up and mature, not a high school level kid. It happens - people have mutual friends, and sometimes friendships go kaput. No reason to hold one persons friendship with another against them!
A person should never use the "guilt by association" thing, especially among friends. I mean there is one crossdresser here in Montreal that for some reason just does not like me. We have mutual friends, I don't go ignoring them or removing them because of it. It's called being a grown up and mature, not a high school level kid. It happens - people have mutual friends, and sometimes friendships go kaput. No reason to hold one persons friendship with another against them!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Site Review: LVTG.com
Unless you are into HNG's (horny net geeks) who just really want nothing but cyber and have low intelligence, avoid it like the plague. 1 out of 10 and THAT is generous!
Support sucks, if you have a problem with a member (like I did) they do nothing. There is no blocking feature at all, and when I suggested one, they gave the lame excuse that it would involve a lot of money to change the coding, which as anyone who has a clue knows is utter bullocks.
It's also one of those sites that is like alt.com and anything friendfinder - to do anything you have to pay, free membership is utterly limited.
So unless you're into guys with cock shots as their main pic, avoid and go elsewhere.
Support sucks, if you have a problem with a member (like I did) they do nothing. There is no blocking feature at all, and when I suggested one, they gave the lame excuse that it would involve a lot of money to change the coding, which as anyone who has a clue knows is utter bullocks.
It's also one of those sites that is like alt.com and anything friendfinder - to do anything you have to pay, free membership is utterly limited.
So unless you're into guys with cock shots as their main pic, avoid and go elsewhere.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Site Review: Red's Realm Of Romantic Restraint
http://reds-realm.net/
This site has been around for years, but sadly, has faltered. It used to rate a 9 out of 10 in my opinion, but now is more like 3 and that is being generous.
Why?
Well, for one, if you want to see any of the good photos and stuff, you have to pay now (when Red started it, it was all free btw). Don't bother. The photos and stuff you pay him for the "privilege" of seeing you can find every single one for FREE. Like the the photos? Go to almost any BDSM or fetish TGP and you will find the same exact photos for free. The vid? Pass. Stories? Barely passable often.
If you're looking for a free BDSM porn fix, go google "BDSM tgp" and you'll get a whack. You're better off there than at Red's.
This site has been around for years, but sadly, has faltered. It used to rate a 9 out of 10 in my opinion, but now is more like 3 and that is being generous.
Why?
Well, for one, if you want to see any of the good photos and stuff, you have to pay now (when Red started it, it was all free btw). Don't bother. The photos and stuff you pay him for the "privilege" of seeing you can find every single one for FREE. Like the the photos? Go to almost any BDSM or fetish TGP and you will find the same exact photos for free. The vid? Pass. Stories? Barely passable often.
If you're looking for a free BDSM porn fix, go google "BDSM tgp" and you'll get a whack. You're better off there than at Red's.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Some thoughts on being transsexual
Yanno, I get some saying to me "I would so love to be a transsexual" (usually crossdressers or males who have some female clothing fetish of sorts).
Listen. Being transsexual is NOT a "choice" or "lifestyle choice". In reality I am female... I am just stuck between sexes. It should not be a "wish" or "want to" thing, it is a need. A need to change from the sex you were born into, into the one you should have been born into because inside you are that sex and not the outwardly displayed one.
It is not an easy thing. Medical stuff aside, there is a lot of social issues to be considered.
First, no transsexual fully "passes". I hate that word. There is always something that gives it away. Believe me. No amount of "feminizing" surgery will ensure 100% "passing". Things that give it away? Height, shoulders, hands, adams apple, rib structure, feet, nose, chin, brow, receding hairline, voice... and a few others for sure. No amount of feminizing surgery will remove shoulders, chest, hands, feet. Yeah, you can get your brow done, nose, chin, adams apple... but there will be something that will "give you away". I can spot no problem, and so can most.
You "wish you were TS"??? Okay... so you want to be stared at? Insults flung at you? Giggles as you walk by? Being called "sir" even though you are obviously looking female? Perhaps even being physically assaulted just for looking the way you do? Have every person who contacts you on the internet always thinking that you want sex because you are TS and that is all they want from you? You want to lose friends, family, and perhaps even your job? Then yeah, go ahead! lol
Seriously, think on those things FFS. I didn't go through all this and live in the sex I should have been because I wanted or wished for those things. I did it to be happy. Despite losing friends, family and any job hopes, I am happy. Despite the insults, giggles, and even assaults, I am happy. I did it because I needed to. Needed to be me and not live a lie. Don't think on doing it because you "wish" or "would like to be". Do it because of the right reasons.
Listen. Being transsexual is NOT a "choice" or "lifestyle choice". In reality I am female... I am just stuck between sexes. It should not be a "wish" or "want to" thing, it is a need. A need to change from the sex you were born into, into the one you should have been born into because inside you are that sex and not the outwardly displayed one.
It is not an easy thing. Medical stuff aside, there is a lot of social issues to be considered.
First, no transsexual fully "passes". I hate that word. There is always something that gives it away. Believe me. No amount of "feminizing" surgery will ensure 100% "passing". Things that give it away? Height, shoulders, hands, adams apple, rib structure, feet, nose, chin, brow, receding hairline, voice... and a few others for sure. No amount of feminizing surgery will remove shoulders, chest, hands, feet. Yeah, you can get your brow done, nose, chin, adams apple... but there will be something that will "give you away". I can spot no problem, and so can most.
You "wish you were TS"??? Okay... so you want to be stared at? Insults flung at you? Giggles as you walk by? Being called "sir" even though you are obviously looking female? Perhaps even being physically assaulted just for looking the way you do? Have every person who contacts you on the internet always thinking that you want sex because you are TS and that is all they want from you? You want to lose friends, family, and perhaps even your job? Then yeah, go ahead! lol
Seriously, think on those things FFS. I didn't go through all this and live in the sex I should have been because I wanted or wished for those things. I did it to be happy. Despite losing friends, family and any job hopes, I am happy. Despite the insults, giggles, and even assaults, I am happy. I did it because I needed to. Needed to be me and not live a lie. Don't think on doing it because you "wish" or "would like to be". Do it because of the right reasons.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The BDSM Lifestyle
I find it so odd that a lot of subs/slaves with so many limitations are the ones that get owned. And the hustlers also get (all they are in for is themselves and not the dominant... and will say anything to get one, and I know one personally).
Here I am, someone who is not a hustler, has very few limits, etc, basically someone that any dominant worth their salt would snatch up... and nada yet. Why? Do I have to be a fake to get? That should not be. I am me, I am a slave, and I give EVERYTHING. Seeing so many end up getting owned when they don't deserve it, especially right off without ever even MEETING... is beyond me and makes me laugh - at the Domme and the sub.
I refuse to be a hustler, and refuse to be a fake.
Here I am, someone who is not a hustler, has very few limits, etc, basically someone that any dominant worth their salt would snatch up... and nada yet. Why? Do I have to be a fake to get? That should not be. I am me, I am a slave, and I give EVERYTHING. Seeing so many end up getting owned when they don't deserve it, especially right off without ever even MEETING... is beyond me and makes me laugh - at the Domme and the sub.
I refuse to be a hustler, and refuse to be a fake.
Some thoughts on the veil "issue"
Hmmm... where to start lol.
Well, let me start off with what is becoming a rather overblown issue in the western world. The niqab (or veil). France has passed a law that is discriminatory, Quebec is close to one, and the western countries are all in a hullabaloo over it.
Let me say a few things on this issue.
First, despite what most non-muslims in the west think, it is NOT forced in most cases. Yes, some countries like Saudi Arabia etc do make it mandatory when in public and yes that is not what Islam says (it only says to dress modest for men and modest for women with hair covered) but... in most cases outside of this it is not forced upon the woman. I have spoken with a LOT of women who veil, and they do it by CHOICE.
Second, the garbage that Quebec has been claiming. For instance in regards to the veiled woman who was denied being in a French language course because she refused to remove her veil in the class and asked for "too much accommodation". The teacher claimed that he "needed to see her face" because of seeing the mouth for "elocution". HORSE F***ING HOCKEY. Listen bub, in that case then I guess a blind person cannot be a language teacher because they cannot see? Or a blind person cannot learn to talk because he cannot see? BULLS**T. What is needed to ensure proper elocution is not seeing... it is HEARING. For instance, most deaf people who talk have horrible elocution because they cannot HEAR the person elocute/speak. So that argument right there goes OUT THE WINDOW!
Third, the crap about women in Islam are treated poorly (ie especially in regards to niqabs/burqas). NO. Most Muslim men treat their women a LOT better than Christians or Jews. Muslim men have treated ME a lot better than the majority here in Canada (Christians & Jews) and I am a transsexual woman. In Islam a woman is regarded with the HIGHEST respect, and men are told in the Quran to treat their women pretty much like royalty, ok? Read it. I have, along with the Bible and the Torah.
Fourth, the crap about worrying about "security" with someone totally covered and veiled. Oh good grief grow up and think for once will ya? And NOT fall into the paranoia that Mr Bush & Mr Blair have created since 9/11. In that case, in winter, NO ONE will be allowed to enter anything but their own home without taking off balaclava's, scarfs, and winter jackets. Then no one should be allowed to cross dress in public because gee, they might be doing it to deceive and commit a crime! (and THAT argument has been used by border officials to deny transsexuals entry into the US, Canada and UK!!!!) Listen, the niqabis I have spoken with have NO problem to show their face for things like showing passport, banking, etc... BUT... most do not want to show their face to a MALE. Some accommodation has to be made, and that is not a hard one to ask for is it?
Do I veil? Yes. I find it gives me peace. Just like what the niqabis I know feel. Ideally I am judged not on my appearance (even if I am good looking) but rather on my PERSON. That is, ideally. Sadly, in the western world (USA, Canada, UK, Europe...) if I wear total covering... I am judged on that. We in the western world have to learn to accept and understand different cultures. We don't. We preach it that we do, but we don't. It's sad. It's like we'd rather live in ignorance, and just throw our beliefs out there as being the *only* beliefs that are right... and that is WRONG. North America was built on immigration, and different cultures coming together. We treated the natives horrible, the blacks, the Chinese, the Japanese... because of one thing - they were not of WHITE EUROPEAN DESCENT. Plain and simple. And that is why we are treating the Muslims so bad. We never learn.
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