collarme.com is a site that is a free BDSM personals site that has been around for a few years now.
I have given this site many chances since its creation, and each time I have ended up doing the same thing: deleting my profile and leaving with disgust and disappointment.
The ONLY plus that the site has? It's free. That's it. The only positive.
The site is chock full of trolls for one. You know the kind - only looking for either kinky sex or what they think are "easy girls" because they are sub or slave. The kind that really are not into the BDSM lifestyle, just on there because they cannot find elsewhere. Each time I joined... plenty of messages from guys who want to "get into it" right away - without so much as buying you a coffee first in a public place.
It is also chock full of fakes. Lots of profiles there that are just plain fake. They never intend to meet, they just play their little games over the site.
Lots of timewasters too. Lots of messaging... and nada to show.
Tons of professional Dommes as well! Nothing against, I have done (and still do occasionally) and I know quite a few and they are great peeps. Just that it is supposed to be a BDSM *personals* site, not "Pro Domme Central". If you go through locally for female (or trans) dominants, and hide all the pro profiles... you have very few left!
The forums are not well run. And boring as snot lol.
The search function has not changed since inception, and is utterly inadequate unless you are in the USA. Hello???? There *are* other countries, yanno! So if you are in Montreal and looking... you have to search through results that include everywhere in Canada.
You'd be better off elsewhere. Like try a munch or an event.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Arrogance and Ignorance
It astounds me as to some of the arrogance and ignorance within the "trans community". This is part of why we cannot get our collective act together and get the rights we deserve.
For instance, the way some look upon those of us who work in the adult industry in any way shape or form.
I have recently been told (not for the first time) that I "give us a bad name" sort of thing, that I help perpetuate the belief all within the trans "community" are "whores". Oh? Really? So a woman, genetic woman, who does it has then made all women "whores"? Are ALL women regarded as whores because some women do porn etc? NO!!! So do NOT give me that crap. That is one dimensional thinking.
If you want to point fingers... point at those who frequent the sites like TVChix, Urnotalone, Birchplace, LVTG, etc etc etc. And even those who post photographs on Flickr etc. If anyone is perpetuating this "we are whores" shit, it is them. Go onto Flickr, for instance. How many have pics of them doing sexual acts? A LOT, perhaps about half or more. Go to the "TG personals" sites... how many are posting stuff like "make me your whore, I will do ANYONE at ANYTIME I am a slut!"??? A damn good number!!!
So the problem lies not with the minority of us who do adult work, but OUR OWN BLOODY COMMUNITY!!!! Those of us who do adult work are a SERIOUS MINORITY. Those who do what I said? A LOT MORE. So before throwing bricks, take a look at the rest.
Oh, and I do NOT make "a lot of money". You know how much I am LUCKY to make? At most $300 a month. That is it. Often it is a hell of a lot less. Usually $50-$150 is among the averages. So *I* do not make a lot of money, so before accusing me of making a lot... bloody well ASK ME how much I make on it.
Nor do I prefer doing it. I would much rather work in something that I am qualified to do. But guess what? There are FACTORS that dictate I cannot or would not even be considered let alone hired.
First being that I am a disabled veteran. I have a serious back injury. Not torn muscles either. It's an injury that affects my NERVES. I am in pain ALL day and EVERYDAY. At best I can manage 3 hours of any kind of work. Usually much less. How can I survive on the amounts that it would pay me? YOU TELL ME if you are so high n mighty!
Second being that I am, gee, TRANSSEXUAL! Wow! Do you know how many of us even get hired? Not as many as the high n mighty believe. The fact remains that a good number of us are NOT employed. Many are on social assistance. Some resort to escorting/prostitution. Some, few, resort to adult industry work. Those that find a job? Many are in call centers, since they will not have to be SEEN by the public. Some work menial jobs that are demeaning (more demeaning in some cases than escorting etc!). The LUCKY FEW who have high paying jobs really ARE lucky. Many of those are union jobs, so they have PROTECTION. Even fewer are self employed in a business that actually makes enough to live on.
So yeah, duh, I would LIKE to work, fuknutz. And I *am* working on OTHER avenues of income to help. But it isn't going to be a lot.
The fact remains that few employers will hire a transsexual. That is something we need work on, but we cannot do it if people have a holier than thou attitude towards those who have little choice but to do "demeaning things".
Stop fighting over terms, labels, etc. Stop putting down those who do what they have to in order to eat and stay off living on the street (I have been there, living on the street homeless is no fun as a transsexual). Stop even the fight over whether anything trans should be in the DSM IV. Just worry about getting our rights ffs!
For instance, the way some look upon those of us who work in the adult industry in any way shape or form.
I have recently been told (not for the first time) that I "give us a bad name" sort of thing, that I help perpetuate the belief all within the trans "community" are "whores". Oh? Really? So a woman, genetic woman, who does it has then made all women "whores"? Are ALL women regarded as whores because some women do porn etc? NO!!! So do NOT give me that crap. That is one dimensional thinking.
If you want to point fingers... point at those who frequent the sites like TVChix, Urnotalone, Birchplace, LVTG, etc etc etc. And even those who post photographs on Flickr etc. If anyone is perpetuating this "we are whores" shit, it is them. Go onto Flickr, for instance. How many have pics of them doing sexual acts? A LOT, perhaps about half or more. Go to the "TG personals" sites... how many are posting stuff like "make me your whore, I will do ANYONE at ANYTIME I am a slut!"??? A damn good number!!!
So the problem lies not with the minority of us who do adult work, but OUR OWN BLOODY COMMUNITY!!!! Those of us who do adult work are a SERIOUS MINORITY. Those who do what I said? A LOT MORE. So before throwing bricks, take a look at the rest.
Oh, and I do NOT make "a lot of money". You know how much I am LUCKY to make? At most $300 a month. That is it. Often it is a hell of a lot less. Usually $50-$150 is among the averages. So *I* do not make a lot of money, so before accusing me of making a lot... bloody well ASK ME how much I make on it.
Nor do I prefer doing it. I would much rather work in something that I am qualified to do. But guess what? There are FACTORS that dictate I cannot or would not even be considered let alone hired.
First being that I am a disabled veteran. I have a serious back injury. Not torn muscles either. It's an injury that affects my NERVES. I am in pain ALL day and EVERYDAY. At best I can manage 3 hours of any kind of work. Usually much less. How can I survive on the amounts that it would pay me? YOU TELL ME if you are so high n mighty!
Second being that I am, gee, TRANSSEXUAL! Wow! Do you know how many of us even get hired? Not as many as the high n mighty believe. The fact remains that a good number of us are NOT employed. Many are on social assistance. Some resort to escorting/prostitution. Some, few, resort to adult industry work. Those that find a job? Many are in call centers, since they will not have to be SEEN by the public. Some work menial jobs that are demeaning (more demeaning in some cases than escorting etc!). The LUCKY FEW who have high paying jobs really ARE lucky. Many of those are union jobs, so they have PROTECTION. Even fewer are self employed in a business that actually makes enough to live on.
So yeah, duh, I would LIKE to work, fuknutz. And I *am* working on OTHER avenues of income to help. But it isn't going to be a lot.
The fact remains that few employers will hire a transsexual. That is something we need work on, but we cannot do it if people have a holier than thou attitude towards those who have little choice but to do "demeaning things".
Stop fighting over terms, labels, etc. Stop putting down those who do what they have to in order to eat and stay off living on the street (I have been there, living on the street homeless is no fun as a transsexual). Stop even the fight over whether anything trans should be in the DSM IV. Just worry about getting our rights ffs!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
On Afghanistan
Many Canadians wonder why we are there. They want no more action there. Well, let me clue you in a bit peeps.
First, we are there because we went in with the "war on terror". Of course that was the catalyst to going there. But it goes beyond that.
You see, we are there not just to fight the Taliban, but also to help rebuild, train, aid, and help improve a country that is only in it's state because of two factors: first being the previous war with the former Soviet Union, and second being the Taliban. And it was the war and the actions of the USA at the time that helped create the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Add in maybe the inactions of the rest of the western world too.
"Yeah, but Vanessa.... we're losing troops! 150 plus killed since!!" - Yeah... out of how many thousands who have served there? Look at previous wars and their KIA and casualty rates. This is MUCH more acceptable.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT VANESSA!!!!" - because I bloody well served for 13 years! I've not only signed the dotted line, and not only been in a combat zone, but been in combat, okay? I have SEEN FIRSTHAND the horrors of war. I have seen what it does to people. It is horrible. I have been shot, blown the hell up, and killed people. It is HORRIBLE. It haunts me to this day, in my dreams at night. But you know what? I actually WANT to be there in Afghanistan on the front line to HELP.
Sometimes we have to take a STAND. We took a stand with Hitler, didn't we? We said "hey! The Germans and Hitler can't do this!" and when we "learned" of the Nazi attrocities... we took a stand and prosecuted those we could, and hell STILL DO TO THIS DAY. Why should we not do the same for the people of Afghanistan? Because they are Muslim and not Jewish or Christian??? No they have not endured the same attrocities of the holocaust, but they have endured their own. We MUST make a stand! We took a semi-stand when Iraq invaded Kuwait, why not NOW?
Sadly the media reports on the BAD that happens, and very little of the GOOD. I have corresponded with a few who have been there, and there is a LOT of GOOD being done that is NOT reported. Women have more rights for one, schools are being built, education is going up, their economy is much better than before, and bit by bit we are making it a BETTER country with BETTER people.
We need to be there, and not just in the new role when it comes into effect of being trainers. Our Canadian Forces personnel are among the BEST. Ask any forces, we are RESPECTED because we are GOOD. We get the job done, no matter what we have. Our soldiers, airmen and sailors are some of if not the best in the world. They sign that dotted line and take the risk, like I did and many before me. No, we do not want to kill, no we do not like war. But when we are asked, we go and we do our jobs.
So many say "oh we should only be peacekeeping". That is bullshit. An armed force is not primarily for peacekeeping for one. It is for defence first and offence second. Peacekeeping is after that somewhere. And peacekeeping as we knew it died a horrible death with both the former Yugoslavia and Rwanda. Take a look at Sudan. It does NOT work in every instance, and in this day and age warfare has CHANGED and most cannot see that. In the former Yugo there was NO peace to keep, and McKenzie had a helluva job to do and he showed once again that Canada could get it done despite lack of personnel, gear, and direction from others. Rwanda... that was a total clusterfuck on the UN's part. Poor Dallaire had nothing to work with, and people died that should not have. Peacekeeping as we knew it is DEAD or dying. Give it a rest.
So, think about it. If you were for taking a stand against Hitler, then you are a hypocrite if you do not take a stand against the Taliban.
First, we are there because we went in with the "war on terror". Of course that was the catalyst to going there. But it goes beyond that.
You see, we are there not just to fight the Taliban, but also to help rebuild, train, aid, and help improve a country that is only in it's state because of two factors: first being the previous war with the former Soviet Union, and second being the Taliban. And it was the war and the actions of the USA at the time that helped create the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Add in maybe the inactions of the rest of the western world too.
"Yeah, but Vanessa.... we're losing troops! 150 plus killed since!!" - Yeah... out of how many thousands who have served there? Look at previous wars and their KIA and casualty rates. This is MUCH more acceptable.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT VANESSA!!!!" - because I bloody well served for 13 years! I've not only signed the dotted line, and not only been in a combat zone, but been in combat, okay? I have SEEN FIRSTHAND the horrors of war. I have seen what it does to people. It is horrible. I have been shot, blown the hell up, and killed people. It is HORRIBLE. It haunts me to this day, in my dreams at night. But you know what? I actually WANT to be there in Afghanistan on the front line to HELP.
Sometimes we have to take a STAND. We took a stand with Hitler, didn't we? We said "hey! The Germans and Hitler can't do this!" and when we "learned" of the Nazi attrocities... we took a stand and prosecuted those we could, and hell STILL DO TO THIS DAY. Why should we not do the same for the people of Afghanistan? Because they are Muslim and not Jewish or Christian??? No they have not endured the same attrocities of the holocaust, but they have endured their own. We MUST make a stand! We took a semi-stand when Iraq invaded Kuwait, why not NOW?
Sadly the media reports on the BAD that happens, and very little of the GOOD. I have corresponded with a few who have been there, and there is a LOT of GOOD being done that is NOT reported. Women have more rights for one, schools are being built, education is going up, their economy is much better than before, and bit by bit we are making it a BETTER country with BETTER people.
We need to be there, and not just in the new role when it comes into effect of being trainers. Our Canadian Forces personnel are among the BEST. Ask any forces, we are RESPECTED because we are GOOD. We get the job done, no matter what we have. Our soldiers, airmen and sailors are some of if not the best in the world. They sign that dotted line and take the risk, like I did and many before me. No, we do not want to kill, no we do not like war. But when we are asked, we go and we do our jobs.
So many say "oh we should only be peacekeeping". That is bullshit. An armed force is not primarily for peacekeeping for one. It is for defence first and offence second. Peacekeeping is after that somewhere. And peacekeeping as we knew it died a horrible death with both the former Yugoslavia and Rwanda. Take a look at Sudan. It does NOT work in every instance, and in this day and age warfare has CHANGED and most cannot see that. In the former Yugo there was NO peace to keep, and McKenzie had a helluva job to do and he showed once again that Canada could get it done despite lack of personnel, gear, and direction from others. Rwanda... that was a total clusterfuck on the UN's part. Poor Dallaire had nothing to work with, and people died that should not have. Peacekeeping as we knew it is DEAD or dying. Give it a rest.
So, think about it. If you were for taking a stand against Hitler, then you are a hypocrite if you do not take a stand against the Taliban.
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