On the gender spectrum

There has been a lot of confusion the past, oh..... 20 years... especially the past 10... in regards to the gender spectrum. There are a lot of labels for those who fall into it, and not all are accepting (even within the same community!).

This is an attempt to clarify some things.

First, the internet is abound with falsities. I see many "armchair generals" out there who say "this is what that means" and yet the next say "no, this is what that means".

Okay. Clarification here folks. From someone who has been around BEFORE the internet explosion. Someone who knows a bit. Not from what she has learned via the net, because even Wikipedia is full of falsities, lies and inaccuracies on many things.

So. First. Definitions. Yes, some may scream and shout at me for some, fine. Go for it. But remember, I've been there done that, ok?

Transsexual: Someone who was born into one sex but knows they are the other. Generally seeks genital reassignment surgery, but sometimes prefers not to. Lives full time in the sex they know they are.

Crossdresser/Transvestite: both are the SAME. Crossdresser was derived by taking the translation from latin of transvestite. A person who dresses as the opposite sex on a "part time" basis. May be for sexual reasons, often not for it. Trans = cross, vestite/vestis = clothing/dress. Transvestite = crossdresser. PC term crossdresser.

Gender Queer: someone who desires to present as someone neither male nor female specifically. Perhaps a "cross" between the two. They may feel as both "intermingled".

Gender Fluid: someone who needs to be both male and female, and will present as either as they need. They generally do not need SRS, They need to be fluid, go from one to the next as their need dictates.

Transgender: Adopted as an umbrella term for all above etc. Originally coined by a CD/TV as an insult to transsexuals, thus why many TS's do not want to be associated with that term (myself included). Mistakenly used as a seperate gender identity.

Just because someone is non-operative by need, does not make them any less "trans" than you. It is their NEED. Not yours. Your need is yours, theirs is theirs.

No one label is any better than the other. (ie a TS is no better than a "part timer CD". We're all in the spectrum)

Yes, GQ and GF deserve to be there. Think how you felt when excluded. Especially even today by much of the GLB community!!!!!

The Stupid "TG" Label

I am SICK of the "TG" label. I am NOT "a transgender"!!!!

Why?

I will tell you why!

The term transgender was coined by a crossdresser (transvestite, same thing, translate the latin ffs...) as a slap in the face to those who are transsexual. In otherwords, it is an INSULT to trans.

I will also NOT participate in the "Transgender Day of Remembrance" until 1) it removes the TG label, 2) moves it so that it is NOT in the same time sphere as Remembrance Day (Memorial Day to Yanks) and 3) acknowledges Gender Queer and Gender Fluid.

I am NOT transgender.

I am almost anything BUT. Because TG is an INSULT!!!!

"How Dare I"???? WTF????

Went to the doctors today... and whoah... transphobia/ignorance is alive and well in Montreal!!!!

I get in there, go to the reception, give my health card etc, then go sit. Well... this totally ignorant woman says to me "How dare you come to a doctors office like that when there could be children there!" (she had one btw). Whoah... what???? I had on my olive drab slacks, and a red shirt... wtf??? I said as much "what the hell do you mean? I'm not dressed provacative". She said just showing up "as a woman".

Whoah, total ignorance and intolerance.

At least I had not only the staff come to my defence, but some of the patients. One Muslim woman told her "what is wrong? If she has to be herself what concern is it to you?" and one Haitian dude told the woman to get out. The staff politely said "Madam, if you have a problem with her, please do be quiet and keep it to yourself, we will not stand for any form of hatred or discrimination, and if you do not like it we suggest you go elsewhere".

She was shut up pretty damn well. She did the "huff n puff" that those who realize that THEY are the ones wrong do, and have no recourse do. She shut up, but was red faced. She lasted at most 5 minutes and she picked up her kid and left. The poor kid with a look like "what is wrong mom" on her face because she obviously saw no prob and wondered why mommy was being that way.

So how dare I? Easy - I am me, you are you, you don't like me then that is your problem, and you can shut up n leave if you feel that strongly. I will NOT be denied my right to exist, and my right to health care.

The actions of the people in support did bring a tear to me. I was crying a bit and thanking them for being understanding, supportive, etc. As one eldery gentleman said "why wouldn't we be? You have a right to be yourself".

Sexual Orientation...

This entry but more the comments have encouraged me to write this entry.

Look, it is plain and simple, and if people with a small mind think I am "preaching" to them, then it shows their lack of actual knowledge on the subject of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is ALREADY there in you. It does NOT change.

Whatever you experience and move towards in your life is already *there*. It is just that you simply *have not realized it* until *that* point. It is ingrained in your BRAIN. It has been there since BIRTH.

If you are in transition, for instance, or after, and you find yourself attracted to people you were not before... it has NOT changed... it was ALREADY THERE. It was just simply something that has not "evolved" in you, moved into more focus.

As we go along in life, we will find ourselves "evolving" as a person. Things we either did not realize were there or were there and we denied, start becoming *clearer*.

Just like transition. Most deny it for years, decades even. Then bingo, something happens in our development, our personal evolution, that tells us "it is time - I have to be me".

This is NO DIFFERENT.

Those thinking that they have "changed" their sexual orientation are FOOLING THEMSELVES. It cannot be done. Period. It is simply a person developing, realizing things. That is ALL.

But, if you want to remain a total utter wally, and think sexual orientation can be changed, fine, then join the uber right wing bible thumpers and go along with their "belief" that it can be.

Bill C-389

Time to push the members of the Canadian Senate, to ensure that this bill goes through and becomes law.

For those who are unaware of what Bill C-389 is, it is to protect gender identity and gender expression. In other words, it protects those of us who are transsexual and as well the crossdressers/transvestites, gender fluid, etc, from discrimination etc.

Why do we need it?

Well, for one it means that if you are fired from your job or denied a job, for instance, because you are transsexual, you have a basis to file a discrimination case. It also means that you could not be denied housing even.

"But, hey whoah, Vanessa!" you say... "they surely cannot deny renting you an apartment just because you are trannssexual?" Oh yeah? Realllllly? Then why was the one and only time I presented as a male I got my apartment? And every single other time I was refused or given some lame excuse? Where they sound so willing and needing to rent the place, ask if there is any kind of things like references needed, etc, then when I show up to view the place there is all of a sudden such things then declared as being required? Or the applications that I made, showing that I could afford say $350 rent for a place, but yet not get? Yet I show up for this place, as a guy, show the same exact proof, for $495 a month, and I get it right there and then, no application, no wait?

Discrimination against us is rampant. Try finding a job that is not in a call center or somewhere where you are out of the public eye and as well out of the eyes of most employees. No way, Pedro! You will have one hell of a time, no matter your qualifications. There are always a crapload of excuses that are chosen from, among the most popular are "You are overqualified", "you are underqualified", "we have decided that we no longer need to fill this position".

Getting this bill through the Senate, and into law, is urgent. It would not surprise me to see Harper and his conservatives trigger an election for it's scheduled reading, so that it dies. We MUST push the Senate to get this through right now, period. It is far, far, FAR too important to die.

Being Transsexual Is NOT About The Clothing!

Jillian Page's blog "Patent Pending" started off good, but sadly she has focused far far too often on one thing - clothing. What started good is now really just having many just shaking their heads and wondering.

Being transsexual is NOT about the clothes. Being transsexual is about, for instance, being the person you knew you should have been, and correcting that. I did NOT start transition just so I could wear a skirt!

Anyone who thinks they are transsexual and transitions for the clothing is doing it for the WRONG reasons. Get SRS after transition for this reason... you could likely end up "de-transitioning" or worse - killing yourself.

Do I like skirts, dresses, heels, etc? Yeah, sure, duh, but I did not go through the past 13+ years of hell and discrimination for the clothing! If that were my reason - I'd be a CD/TV, and have just been happy with that, since there is NOTHING wrong with being one (I really cringe when a CD/TV says to me "oh, I'm *just* a CD/TV"... be happy with it if that is what you are ffs!).

Do I wear skirts, etc? Yeah, duh. Not every bloody day, how many genetic women wear a skirt, heels, etc every single day? Extremely FEW. I have some casual stuff I wear day to day, but apart from that I reserve the "hot stuff" for going out, videos, events, etc (videos being the videos I make to help LIVE). Sure, I have a whack of pics n vids with me in "sexy stuff"... those are taken at or before going somewhere, or before a video shoot.

But the clothing is not what makes me a woman. What makes me a woman is what is INSIDE, who I am. Not what I bloody well wear. If a "transsexual" thinks that the clothing makes a woman... they are doing it for the wrong reasons and really need to look inside and ask questions. I put transsexual in quotes because if clothing as a reason is high up on your list of why, then you very very very likely are NOT transsexual. More like a CD/TV with a transition fantasy. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what you are, then be HAPPY, but do NOT transition... you will regret it later on in life.

I have had people in the "trans community" lambaste me for making stuff that is essentially porn... well... sorry, I have to EAT you know. $1000 a month is not a lot to live on. Try it. Not easy. I have had these people tell me "since you do porn you do not represent us". I call bullshit. I, more than them, know the HARD life that being transsexual can be. The sad fact is that many have to resort to adult oriented work of some sort, and at least I am not selling myself on the street, even though that would bring me more money. My material is done by MY rules, it is ME who is in charge of what is made 99.9% of the time, no one else, thus EMPOWERING ME.

One who is doing damage to the "trans community"? Jillian Page and any other TS that focuses so much on the clothing. It perpetuates the stereotype that we are just in it for the clothing, and nothing more. That we ALL wear skirts, heels etc EVERY DAY.

I, for one, am saddened that such a person who had such an opportunity to focus on the actual hard life being transsexual can be, has blown it of late. Sandwiched between dozens of posts about clothing and "girly girl" stuff is the occasional tidbit, but sadly she has done harm to her credibility. How about talking to those of us who have it hard? Tell the world about actual cases of discrimination, hatred, etc?

Sad.

Very.

Female Masking

As some know, I recently purchased a latex female mask. Yes, I am transsexual. Yes, I like the mask. The two cannot be combined??? WTF is that?

I've had some very "vanilla" friends say "WTF is THAT? WHY?" and some transsexual friends say "why? You're TS, you don't need one".

To the first - it's a latex female mask. Some, usually CD/TV, like them to "look female" because they think they cannot, others just because of what it is. Some of us like it for the FETISH. Yes, I have a FETISH for it. SO F***ING WHAT? And on top it is going to a) get me some PROFESSIONAL work, and b) help me with MY clip sales. Besides, I like it. SO F***ING WHAT?

To the second - see above. Yeah, day to day and most times I don't wear it, DUH. Yeah, I am TS. Yeah, I like the mask. SO F***ING WHAT?

Look, if it is not for you, FINE. I acknowledge it, I accept it. No problemo, okay? Now how about YOU give the same back to ME? Huh?

There is a whole COMMUNITY dedicated to these masks, and it is growing. They like them. SO F***ING WHAT? Not your kink? Fine. It is mine and theirs. 'nuff said. Dollspride is just one site and community site dedicated to it.

I like them. I think they look lovely, and for me as I said, it is a fetish.

Some thoughts on being transsexual

Yanno, I get some saying to me "I would so love to be a transsexual" (usually crossdressers or males who have some female clothing fetish of sorts).

Listen. Being transsexual is NOT a "choice" or "lifestyle choice". In reality I am female... I am just stuck between sexes. It should not be a "wish" or "want to" thing, it is a need. A need to change from the sex you were born into, into the one you should have been born into because inside you are that sex and not the outwardly displayed one.

It is not an easy thing. Medical stuff aside, there is a lot of social issues to be considered.

First, no transsexual fully "passes". I hate that word. There is always something that gives it away. Believe me. No amount of "feminizing" surgery will ensure 100% "passing". Things that give it away? Height, shoulders, hands, adams apple, rib structure, feet, nose, chin, brow, receding hairline, voice... and a few others for sure. No amount of feminizing surgery will remove shoulders, chest, hands, feet. Yeah, you can get your brow done, nose, chin, adams apple... but there will be something that will "give you away". I can spot no problem, and so can most.

You "wish you were TS"??? Okay... so you want to be stared at? Insults flung at you? Giggles as you walk by? Being called "sir" even though you are obviously looking female? Perhaps even being physically assaulted just for looking the way you do? Have every person who contacts you on the internet always thinking that you want sex because you are TS and that is all they want from you? You want to lose friends, family, and perhaps even your job? Then yeah, go ahead! lol

Seriously, think on those things FFS. I didn't go through all this and live in the sex I should have been because I wanted or wished for those things. I did it to be happy. Despite losing friends, family and any job hopes, I am happy. Despite the insults, giggles, and even assaults, I am happy. I did it because I needed to. Needed to be me and not live a lie. Don't think on doing it because you "wish" or "would like to be". Do it because of the right reasons.